As we were going about our day off on Monday, we didn't really imagine it ending as it did. Kenny's dad called on Monday evening to let us know that Kenny's mom had passed away. He had told us when we visited that he really didn't expect her to be with us much longer, but I don't think I really believed it. I certainly didn't think she would be gone so quickly.
On Tuesday we picked up Faith and went to be with Kenny's dad in Portland. We helped with some things around the house and sat with him when the man from the funeral home came to go over details. There will be no service, and that's a completely foreign concept to me. Where I come from we have funerals...a wake or visitation of some sort, a funeral mass, a burial ceremony. But Kenny's mom didn't want any of that. I've been struggling a lot with the fact that we just saw her on Saturday, and now just a few days later she's gone.
When I explained to Graham what had happened, he managed to come up with the words that are helping me work through that concept. I explained that Kenny's mom had died, and he agreed that it was very sad. We talked about her being sick, and Graham let me know that some people die when they are very old, and some die when they are still young....it happens. He then said that it's a good thing that Kenny is still here, because even though people die, they leave other people (their children) to go on. Yes. That's exactly what I needed to hear. Even though she is no longer here physically, part of who she was lives on in Kenny and the wonderful human being that he is.
A couple years ago around Christmas, Kenny told me about his mom's cheese ball and how totally amazing it was. She told me the recipe (and made us one when we came to visit!), but I never wrote it down. As I was driving to Portland on Tuesday I was kicking myself for never recording the recipe, and I was thinking that she probably didn't write it down either and now the cheese ball recipe was gone forever. As we were cleaning some things up around the house (Kenny's mom was a bit of a collector. Of everything.) I found myself working my way through a box of things to throw away or recycle. And then I saw it. A beat up, folded, and crumpled page protector with one little recipe inside. Nowhere near the kitchen, just crammed into this box full of other things. As I read through it, I knew I had found the cheese ball recipe!
Given the piles of stuff we went through, it almost felt like divine intervention finding that recipe!
Kenny stayed in Portland to just be with his dad this week. It's hard to imagine losing someone that has been there with you for 45 years - such a significant life change. The frustrating thing about loss is that there just isn't anything you can do to make it less painful, it's just something you have to go through....something that only time can make better. I'm thinking we'll maybe set aside some time in the near future to remember Kenny's mom...maybe over a yummy cheese ball :)